i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
