There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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