But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
