I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
