Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
