Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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