a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
