Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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