I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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