Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
