I am puke
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
