it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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