I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
