I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
