i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
