No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
