if you like me you must not know who I am
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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