There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
