I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
