Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
