man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
