I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
