people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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