I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
