Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
