apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
