He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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