The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
