Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
