alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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