Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
