Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
