WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize