Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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