Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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