soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
