were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
