I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
