I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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