i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
