his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
