We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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