even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
