Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
