When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
