God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
