I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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