are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
