If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i think im in europe. pls send help
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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