Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
