Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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