U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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