K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
