I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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