return my video game
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
