If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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