If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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