oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
