Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
