1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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