you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
