omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
