I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize