i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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