i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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