no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
