probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
