I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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