i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
