I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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