she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I look better un-naked...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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