my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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