we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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