I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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